life is good.

•February 4, 2009 • 2 Comments

well, its that time of the month again.  no, not like that.   ew.  i gross myself out.  what i meant was time for me to write my monthly blog.  maybe one of these days it will turn into an annual thing, but for now this going well to just have a monthly edition.

im awful at rereading my old blogs so i dont really know where i left off.  so i will attempt to hit some highlights and maybe go a little deeper where applicable.  oh, i remember what i was writing about now!  though painted desert.  i dont mean to sound sexist, but i think every guy should read it.  its sooooo good.  through all of the blue like jazz hype that has transpired over the past decade, i kind of held d. miller on a pedestal (which i find i do to a lot of people….) in the Christian world.  come to find out, d. miller stumbles just like the rest of us.  he enjoys a good beer (even sometimes in excess…..).  he is just like everyone else.  i dont want to get into this too much.  just read it.  it’ll make you want to go on a roadtrip.  and if you read it and want to go on one, come pick me up.  thanks.

i recently finished all 4 seasons of weeds.  it was glorious.  i never thought i would enjoy it until that first episode.  next thing i know, im staying up till the wee hours of the morning telling myself “just one more episode…”  if you’ve seen it then you know what i mean.  and its cool to see hunter parrish (silas) act in a show series rather than on broadways spring awakening (which closed recently 😦  ) where i have seen him play melchior gabor a couple times.  what a stud; in both weeds and spring awakening.

next, there was recent death in my family.  a couple of weeks ago my grandfather passed away.  it was somewhat expected, but still sad nonetheless.  the funeral was in pennsylvania which was convenient for me.  it was good to see my family.  and i got to see my sister which i havent seen in like, um, 10 years and my 2 nephews who are awesomeeeee.  even though it was good to see my fam, there was some drama between my father and the rest of the family.  so that was fun to be in the middle of it.  i dont feel vulnerable enough to go into detail, but just know that it sucked and was/is hard for my brother and i to be caught in all of it and practically being forced into choosing sides.  no fun.

last week, some friends from auburn were passing through on their way to visit a friend in boston so i met them at a cafe in park slope brooklyn. the cafe was AWESOME. its called roots.  if youre ever in the area, i highly recommend it.  try the turkey avocado sandwich.  seeing old friends was very refreshing.  especially these people.  all of them were huge influences in my life; whether it was hanging out with them on the other side of the world changing the lives of adolescent asians, drinking coffee and eating cinnimon toast on their front porch contemplating life, or cooking dinner and sharing life with our peers.  gah, i miss those auburn days.  the time spent together here in brooklyn was short lived, but it was much needed.  thanks john for convincing me to take a break and meet up with ya’ll.

hm, what else is there… oh ya: I GOT A JOB!  well, actually, its an internship, but still, its very exciting.  I am simultaneously taking about 10 hours school.   7 hours at the school of visual arts and 3 hours at wallace community college online.  my internship is with a new video production company.  there are 4 people total in the company counting me.  there are 2 executive producers and 2 interns/production assistants/runners/bitches (not really, but kind of) including me and my friend whitney who got my the position.  its so good.  both bosses are extremely knowledgable in the business and know what they are doing.  we are currently working out of one of their apartments in brooklyn because, like i said, we are a new company and do not have an office yet.  we do have, however, about 4 jobs lined up including filming 2 pilots for a reality show that we will then in turn try and sell to a major network (and then we’ll all be RICH).  speaking of rich, internships are unpaid, but because my boss so awesome, she feeds us [vegetarian] food while we are working (she made this AWESOME cucumber sandwich yesterday, btw) and we get paid on shoot days which is good money but wont happen too often.

it feels as though my life has changed completely.  the past few months i have been doing nothing.   wondering why im here, whether i will be able to stay, what am i doing with my life, etc, etc.  now there is finally some direction, hope, and more importantly, there is peace.  everything seems to be falling back into place.  i cannot wait to see what the next few months hold for me. life is good.

::nathan

ps, come visit me.

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good read

•January 7, 2009 • 1 Comment

so a lot of stuff has happened since the last post.  one would think so especially since it has been months since my last one.  life is grand as always.  i mean, cmon, i live in new york; how could it not be great?  i recently got to see a lot of friends from home which was great.  and i went home for christmas which was fun too.  but i do not want to bore you with stories about that.  hopefully all of you will come and experience all that for yourself when you come visit me.

today i delved into my “library” in search of a new read  since i have yet to read most of them.  i came across an old donald miller book i bought eons ago in auburn.  i dont even think i read the back.  it was recommeneded by a good friend of mine so i took his word for it.  so when i came across “through painted desert” today, i skimmed the back cover and decided i would start it.  i started from the very begninng with the authors note which is something i never do.  im so glad i did.  don wrote it specifically for me; i could have written the exact same thing (minus the beautiful descriptions and captivating prose among other things…). i have never read sometihng that relates to me as much as this did.  so much so that im going to let don help me out with this blog.

Everybody has to change, or they will expire.  Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.  I want to keep my soul fertile for changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die.  I want to keep walking away from the person i was a moment ago, because my mind was made  to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.  It frightened me to think of it, that I passed up and early marraige or children to write these silly books, that I bought the lie that the academic life had to be seperate from relational experience, as though God only wanted us to learn cognitive ideas, as if the heart of a man were only created to resonate with movies.  No, life cannot be understood flat on a page.  It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath…. And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play.  My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beaultiful born inside of you, about learning to love… It might be a time for you to go.  It might be a time for you to change, to shine out.  I want to repeat one word for you: Leave.  It is a beautiful word; so strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be.  And you will not be alone.  You have never been alone.  Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back.  It is you who will have to change.

I thought I was the only one who needed to get away from nothing.  To turn away from everything known in exchange for something new and completely foreign for reasons unknown.  Its just something in me that needs more than what I have.  That there is more in store for me that what I have.  Great things.

I have read a few chapters, and i hope to follow this blog up with more about the book.  I underline every other chapter.  Its that good.  I guess i should mention its about a roadtrip.  But it is also so much more than that.  I haven’t really gotten into DM that much, mostly because I am so anti-[fill in with whatever is popular, particularly Christian pop culture] such as  “blue like jazz,” but I thoroughly enjoy his writing style.  It is very descriptive, but not to the point where you will be like “get on with it.” Throughout the main story of the road trip, there are spinoff anecdotes and indepth interal thoughts and ideas discussed by author to keep things interesting.  Okay, im done rambling.

Bottomline: go get the book and read along with me!

everytime you walk away or run away you take a piece of me with you

•December 2, 2008 • 7 Comments

i was watching some more season 1 gossip girls with my friend joe and i saw the best rufus/lily episode yet.  im a nerd, yes.  i invite all of you readers to judge me once again.  so, without further ado, here is a clip.  i love this song.  i love this show.

xoxo…

i dont do sadness

•November 30, 2008 • 1 Comment

well.  i have come to the conclusion that i am a bad blogger and i will stop lying to all of you about how am going to get better at it.  so i apologize for these false claims and i will try and not make them without being some what serious.

with that said, i will continue.  i have seriously thought about writing several blogs since my last post, but i some how talk myself out of pointless posts complaining about stupid things and rambling on about incessant nothings.  and in hindsight, i think it was better to not write them because all it had to do with was dumb emotions and this word that has recenr.  so, im a here, in a decent mood, so i decided to do another one of those “catch up” blogs, summing up life since the last blog.  its basically a lot of the same.  no job.  little money.  story of my life, i know.  im taking some classes next semester so hopefully i can get a real job shortly after that.  hopefully.  hm… what else?

i have a handful of non-paying jobs lined like filming and editing someone’s dance reel, doing some motions graphics (click HERE), and doing headshots for friends.  i need the experience.  people need free work.  it works out.  i think…

matt floyd came into town last week.  that was pretty exciting.  very refreshing to get to hang with a good friend of mine.  we go back.  way back.  we saw all the touristy sights, ate some good food, and did a butt ton of walking (according to matt floyd).  and we got to see the broadway show, Spring Awakening of which the above video is from (and the title of the blog).  its amazing.  like so good.  but dont go see it with your parents or little siblings, that could get a little akward.  im going to see it at least 1,648 before it closes in january.

matt left on thanksgiving, and so did i.  i met my mom and brother in pennsylvania where we have some family and spent thanksgiving there.  it was great to see my family.  i should visit there more often.  then on friday, they came to nyc for the day which was fun.  mom got to see my hallway of a room and bought me some groceries :).

some things im looking forward to:

  • dan and ryan coming to visit in less than 2 weeks
  • caitlin and erin visiting the city
  • going home for christmas and seeing friends.
  • elise and tadd coming for new years
  • going to boston while tadd and elise are here
  • snow.
  • my new blanket my mommy brought for me.  its sooo soft.
  • tree lighting at rockefeller center.
  • taking classes next semester at school of visual arts

things im enjoying

  • christmas music.
  • christmas lights.
  • christmas christmas.
  • Arizona southern style sweet tea (23 ounces of brilliance)

celeb sightings:
magic johnson at borders
susan sarandon at jacque torres (best chocolate chip cookie you will eat. ever.)
bailey hanks (from legally blonde the musical and mtv’s “the search for the new elle woods”)

  • may not be a celebrity to most of you, but i was a huge fan of that show.  lame i know.  if you know me, then you know im a fan of musicals, and it was just amazing to me that there was a reality show about people whose dreams are to make it to the stage.  kind of a big deal in my book.  inspiring to say the least

in closing, i leave you with this:

my heart faints not for we are her

•October 29, 2008 • 6 Comments

once again, this is me apologizing for not providing you readers with some sort of substance into my life and what im doing.  so, sorry.  i really really will try to get better.  so, instead of my rambling on about some random topic that has been on my mind, i will just try and catch everyone up on my life here with random shorts.

  • still no job.  money is starting to get tight.  beginning to get worried.
  • met a lot of new friends lately that i get to hang out with a lot.  they are great and I dont really know what i would do with out them.  most arent christians or church goers.  is that a bad thing?  i dont see anything wrong with that.  love like i’m loved from a perfect Father.  that’s how i see it.  they are good people.  i mean, cmon, would i hang out with them if they weren’t?
  • while we’re on the church subject, i still havent found a “home” church.  been to several i like.  just don’t know where i want to be plugged into.  its hard at times.  i tihnk im goig to redeemer this week where tim keller speaks who is awesome.  i heard him talk once about the city and how there is a need for people wanting to move here but are scared and what not and how they (I) should put that fear aside and take a leap of faith. out of comfort.  out of family and friends.  out of monetary or personal gain.  sorry, im trying to keep these points short. so, moving on…
  • i get excited thinking about people coming to visit the city.  some notable include jenna, nads, foloyd, oldham, mcduffie, caitlin wynsong and erin kay, ryan and dan, and tadd and elise.  if i didnt say your name then you are a bad friend and have not expressed any want to visit.  shame on you.
  • saw some skaters yesterday.  i miss longboarding.
  • its getting cold.  like really cold.  i am excited but scared at the same time.  i might freeze to death due to lack of funds to by cold clothes.
  • i hate seeing so many broken people here.  this place seems to a place of opportunities, but for those who don’t make it forget their dreams and aspirations and fall into routines not of their own choosing.  they lose themselves in need to stay afloat and forget why they are here in the first place.  i have to watch myself.  that could easily become me, if it hasn’t already.  probably more to come about this in the near future.
  • i hate seeing so many poor and homeless people here.  it breaks me down.  i want to help them.  but how can i when i can’t even help myself.
  • i’ve been sick lately which has not been fun. i think its the flu.  maybe the cold.  either way, i hate it.  i have become fond of the nieghborhood chinese restaurant’s chicken noodle soup.
  • read some stats the other day: 46% of new yorkers are single.  good odds or wrong place to be to look for a relatinoship?  from what i’ve seen, i’ll go with the latter.
  • gossip girls has taken over my life.  first, if you watch it, and like blair of serena, then we aren’t friends.  probably never were friends.  blair has no soul.  currently catching up on the first season.  i look forward to every monday where we have gg parties and even dress up as characters.  and share in my next bullet point:
  • 2 buck chuck, which has become one of my new bff’s.
  • i tihnk my hair grows faster up here.  it feels like i cut at it at least once a week.
  • if i dont find a job soon, im planning on going back to school up here.  i am in the process of applying to Fashion Institute of Technology and School of Visual Arts for some sort of computer graphics program.  Both are AWESOME schools that I probably won’t get into, but its nice to dream.  I will probably end up at some SUNY college in brooklyn which is fine too. I dont think im looking for a whole other degree, just some professional classes.  like 3 or 4 semesters worth.
  • i want to go to LA to visit my friends there.
  • bedouins intenational is letting me do some work for them for the videos they are making about their trip to haiti.  pretty excited about it.  awesome opportunity for me.
  • i am looking forward to thanksgiving with family in pennsylvania.  its going to be so good.
  • im tired and going to bed now.

i got no time cause im always trying to run (run run) away

•October 16, 2008 • Leave a Comment

i was watching 7th Heaven this afternoon as i usually do when about this time of day (not really… well maybe.  dont judge).  this episode in particular was quite dramatic: lucy told kevin she wanted a baby, simon broke up with cecilia after his tragic accident where he killed somebody with a car, roxanne and chandler split up, and mary comes home with some rando after being gone for a while and the kicker is that they are married (and mary might be pregnant.  we havent found that out yet).  whew!

all that to say.. there was a dramatic scene in the back yard with simon and the rev. camden.  simon is venting to his dad about how is upset running someone over and how he just wants to get out of his town.  how even after spending time with all of his friends and family for a summer, he still needs his own time to heal.  then eric, being the preacher/father he is, proceeds to tell simon that he needs to talk it out and be around people who love him and how that is the best way to heal and aid the pain.  then simon continues to talk about how he wants to leave town and says something that still resounds in my mind: “i want it to hurt.”

for some reason, i am kind of emotional about relationships and all right now, possibly stemming from an ichat conversation the other night, followed by a dream, and this dumb high strung episode

anyways, i started thinking about how much i am like simon.  for the longest time (like since high school graduation) i thought that i loved being alone and getting away from everything and everyone that i am comfortable with.  hence me going to auburn; hence me coming here to new york… but hearing simon say that quote brought a lot of tihngs into perspective for me and it took me back to that summer after graduation.  long story short, a lot of drama happened.  i got into a big fight with my bff around senior year.  when this happened i ostrasized myself from not only him, but my whole circle of friends.  i stopped wanting to hang out with those people because of the pain that surrounds everyone who reminded me of my friend.  same with auburn (quoting forrest: “that’s all i have to say about that”).  both instances i become completely disconnected of most everyone i know and care about.  i avoid common meeting places that have become a second home to me, and i conversations with people that i love talking with; people with whom i may never (or have yet to) see again.  why do i choose this route?  i dont really know.  this is all an epiphany to me that has been brought to my attention as of recently and one of which i am still processing.  maybe i’m scared that it would hurt more to be reminded of these people.  maybe i think it makes it easier to forget.  probably has something to do with pride.  maybe… maybe i just want it to hurt more than it already does.

new copeland in on repeat on my ipod.  also the author of the title of this post.  they are playing here 10/27.  all i want to know is, is who’s coming with me?

no famous people lately.  i’ll try and write more often.  i just get too busy doing nothing all the time.

for those of you real 7th heaven fans, you know that mary tells everyone she is pregnant when she really is. thought i would give you some closure on that part of the story.

::nathanpauley

for your listening and viewing pleasure

reason #1 why NYC is better than auburn

•October 2, 2008 • Leave a Comment

thought this count down would be fun.  probably should’ve started sooner.  i still love auburn.  i doubt this will go on for too long.  welp, here’s the first one:

unlike last year at auburn where we didnt have a fall, but rather a month of weather changing from 50 to 90 degrees on a daily basis.  we here in new york do.  and it feels amazing!